


Ease My Mind

by dontknowcats



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontknowcats/pseuds/dontknowcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things go horribly wrong when fighting Lord Seeker Lucius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“If you put a single hand on her, I will drag you back to Skyhold by your toenails and execute you myself!” Cassandra shouted, struggling against the two men holding her down against the ground. With her face flush to the dirt, she couldn’t see much of what was going on but she knew that Atheva had been knocked out. The girl’s fiery hair was in her line of sight, but disappeared only moments later.

Dorian and Vivienne lay beside her, struggling the best they could to free themselves. They had both seen and known people who had become tranquil. No matter how they felt about their Inquisitor, neither of them would want to see her upbeat personality gone.

All three knew that even though the elf had no magic running through her veins the Lord Seeker could change her, ruin her.

Shuffling noises could be heard, as well as Atheva waking up. She mumbled something incoherent before Lucius spoke.

“It’s been an honor to host the Inquisitor,” he spat. A yelp escaped Atheva’s lips, followed by a blood-curdling scream. A loud thud could be heard, and Cassandra could feel her peers loosen their hold in surprise.

Using all her strength, she ripped her hands from their hold and turned beneath them, pushing them away from her. She grabbed her sword and shield from the ground beside her before the men had time to get up, and rushed toward her companions. She tried to keep herself from looking in Atheva’s direction.

Once the two mages were free, the three fought their way through the basic soldiers and then turned to face the Lord Seeker. He was ready to die, it seemed, going down with one single cut across his bare throat.

Cassandra was seething, ready to fight more until she remembered.

“Inquisitor!”

The elf pushed herself up into a sitting position, her eyes still shut as she pushed her hair out of her face. In the middle of her forehead was the burning white mark of the Seekers of Truth. Cassandra felt her stomach drop.

Atheva’s eyes opened finally, and they were dull. The different hues of brown were flat, blurred into one deep color. Blood ran down from the mark as she stood up.

“Forgive me, Cassandra. I did not mean to be a hassle on this trip. Dorian, Vivienne, I apologize to you as well.”

Vivienne turned, trying to hide her quivering lip and running makeup.

“Who will tell Cullen?” Dorian whispered, turning to the two women.

“If none of you wish to, I can,” Atheva said softly, tilting her head at the group. “Why are you so sad? You all were annoyed only days ago with my loudness and constant ill-thought plans. Now I don’t have the need for excitement. I’ll be a better leader.

“And Cullen won’t be as mad about my recklessness.”


	2. Chapter 2

The sight of the former Inquisitor wasn't as startling as it used to be, though she was able to quiet the room with a simple step inside. She wasn't confused or upset with how the soldiers would turn at the sight of her and walk in the other direction; it made sense, after all. She wasn't a mage and yet there she was: a tranquil with the mark of the Seekers burned into her vallaslin. Proof that the world was burning and even the Herald of Andraste was unable to do a thing to save herself.

The worried whispers about the Commander had faded to pitiful remarks murmured out of politeness when she walked by. If she had been her usual self the gossips would have stayed quiet when she passed, worried of her response. But now that she wasn’t as unpredictable and their only punishment was a “Please don’t talk like that,” they felt better about their despicable pastime.

“Commander,” she said, knocking lightly on his office door before entering. He was hunched over his desk, reading over reports from the traveling soldiers across Thedas. He refused to look her way and she knew that he hated to look at her now. He had confided in her the night before while drinking his sorrows away. “I’ve brought you lunch as Josephine requested. Where would you like it?” Her cheeks were beginning to hurt.

“Return it,” he muttered, a quick glance all she received. But then he took a double take, a look of absolute pain contorting his features. “Why are you smiling?” He asked weakly.

“You asked for it last night. You said you would be happier if I smiled again.” She paused, waiting for him to respond. “Was… that wrong?” The corners of her lips returned to their usual position. “Perhaps it would be best if I stopped listening to you when you’re drunk.”

“That would be… Yes.” She could see the tip of his nose turn red and his chin quiver. The lump in his throat was audible as he pushed a simple affirmation out around it. “Don’t smile… Not until we’ve fixed this mess.”

“You know that the last time we tried I begged for mercy.”

“Atheva-“

“It hurt. Like how much you must have hurt when I first came back.”

“It doesn’t matter!” He spat, slamming a frustrated hand on his desk. “We’re going to fix it. Even if you…” He took a deep, ragged breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maker’s breath, just leave.”

“Yes, Commander.”


	3. Chapter 3

_“Commander, we have the reports back from the Arcanist, Madame de Fer, an-”  
_

_He hadn’t even let the soldier continue before snatching the papers from his hands. His eyes had scanned briefly over each sentence until he found the news. Then he moved to the next report and the next. No, no, no._

 

* * *

 

That had been a week ago, yet Cullen felt years older. His feet dragged beneath him when he walked, he had been hidden away in his office instead of training his troops. There was no point anymore, was there? Their Inquisitor had successfully defeated Corypheus months ago, the anchor holding more magic than could be suppressed by her tranquility. She was an anomaly. “Special,” they had said.

He knew she was special. He knew the moment she asked to hear one of his lectures. He knew the first time they had locked eyes. Ridiculous for him to believe in it, but it had been love at first sight for him. He didn’t care if it had been the same for her because she had loved him back in the long run.

His eyes locked on the tree branch above him, studying the leaves and how they moved in the slight wind and the annoyingly bright morning sun. His left arm reached out, grasping at the sheets at his side as if she was still there next to him. Why? He had been the one to decide to return to his quarters for sleep. Now he regretted his decision, regretted his optimistic outlook of the end.

Cullen heard one of the doors below open and a soldier call for him. “Ser, the Inqui- Lavellan would like to speak to you.”

“I’ll be down in a moment.”

“She’s waiting in her quarters.”

He listened to the disappearing footsteps before climbing out of bed. What did she have to say to him? They hadn’t spoken since she had returned with the reports and made her decision.

 

* * *

 

_“I don’t like seeing everyone like this.”_

_“I won’t do it, Atheva,” he had growled, angry that she wasn’t willing to continue. He knew it wasn’t his choice in the long run, but he could at least refuse his part in it.  
_

 

* * *

 

His steps were heavy as he climbed the stairs, trying to keep his focus off of how his stomach hurt, how his throat was dry, how much he didn’t want to see her. But he needed to.

“Cullen,” she said, standing from her seat behind her desk when he reached the top step. “Thank you... I thought you might not come.”

“If it were any other time, I may not have,” he admitted, though not out of anger. She knew it was true even if he hadn’t said it, but he wanted the air clear between them.

She nodded, trying to pick her words carefully. “I’ve come to another decision... If you won’t kill me, I’ll do it myself.”

The words went straight into his heart, cutting deep. “Atheva-” He had expected it, hadn’t he? But it still hurt.

“It would be for the best. I remember Maddox... the way he went. It seems the best way.” Her hand pushed through her hair as if she were nervous. But he had come to learn that her habits hadn’t disappeared with her emotions.

His hands clenched into fists, his mind racing to find another reason to keep her from going through with her own demise. He couldn’t find one. “If... that is what you wish, Atheva. I would like to stay by your side, however.”

If she hadn’t been in the state she was, he would have sworn her eyes had widened. “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Before any of you say "ATHEVA CAN'T BE A TRANQUIL, SHE'S NOT A MAGE," every Seeker of Truth has gone through the rite. So, this is just an idea based off of that. ty


End file.
